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this daydream

the poetry of Merrit Malloy
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Something You Can Count On

I want to tell you
in a few words
what I could not tell you
in too many

I want you to know
that it will be hard
to live without you
again

You will always be the one
I'm thinking about
when somebody asks me
who I'm thinking
about

One Of The First Things We Have To Learn

No matter how long she held on
to those people she lost
No matter how hard she tried
to get them back
Not one of them ever
returned to her

We must be careful
not to relinquish our future
to people who won't
be there

One of the first things
we have to let go of
is not being able to
let go of
anybody

Imperfections

Why is it that you wanted me more on
the night I was leaving
than you ever wanted me
before?

Does pain bring people
closer together than
pleasure?

Are we more afraid of
living together than of
dying alone

Does distance unite people more deeply
than familiarity?

It is as though our hunger
is to be hungry and
our real need is
to be missed

It's no accident that the songs
that sell the most
are sad

90049

The loneliest place
I've ever been
Was not when
I was alone.

It was in a room
In West Los Angeles
Where I was in love
With someone
Who wasn't in love
With me.

Symphony In P-Flat

There are some things I meant to say to you when we were old.

Not just because we may not grow old together, but
because we may not grow old at all.

You're so much more important to me than any work I'll ever do.

And just so you know, I would have rather been your lady than anything I'll ever be.

And just in case you ever think nobody does,
"I Love You."

I Won't Call Him

Knowing what you need
Is more than knowing what you want.

It's a kind of clear-eyed wisdown
To see what is worthless
Its touching on someone
Who you know won't turn away.
It's reaching for something
That's really worth the climb.
And it's learning to let go
When it isn't.

Knowing what you need
Is more than knowing what makes you feel good right now.
It's knowing that the same thing
Will make you feel good again.
I won't call him.

Local Anesthetic

Sometimes I think
That I'm not really present at my life,
As though it goes on
without my permission.

Sometimes
although I don't want to die
I want to stop living.
I want to climb into the other side
Of my face
And observe my experiences
Without having them.

Sometimes
and only once in a while,
I want to stop living,
But I really don't want
to die.

Age

I don't know what it
is like to be old...
But I think...
It's living long enough
To make a joke of the things
that were once breaking your heart.